My LAST Session!

Finally! My 37th tomo radiation treatments are history! The time did not fly by at all. The worst part of it was not the actual radiation, but the monotony of the average three hours of my day (with transportation) that was dedicated to the treatments. The side effects were not too bad. The radiologist told me today that they should be gone in about a week & the fatigue in about 2 weeks. I have really felt worn out the past couple of weeks. At least it did not begin when I started.

I think it helped to silently pray for the other patients in the waiting room each day while I waited for my turn. It is good to get your focus off yourself & your own problems. I saw a lot of patients in a lot worse shape than me and who were going through both chemo and radiation.

One thing I found that in the beginning, for the most part, as friends & family find out about your cancer & treatment you hear from them a lot. As time goes on & you are still in treatment, you hear less and less. You have to realize life goes on & does not revolve around you & your illness even as you face it daily. You just have to pray every day for an extra dose of God's grace.

I got a $50,000. bill from November's treatments today of which I am only responsible for $270. of it! Thank God I have health insurance!

I will need follow up in three months, which I think will be to see if my PSA is still at or near zero. How I pray it is the end of it! I can not allow my mind to run ahead of me, but must make the most of each day God has given me. I pray that as I enter 2010 in a few days, I will enter it cancer-free!

I plan to spend New Year's Eve with the bus driver and his family who took me to & from treatment almost every day who is now a new friend. I'll have to take a nap, of course!

Fatigue

There are two more sessions of radiation left! The fatigue has set in off and on for the past few weeks. Several days, I HAD to lie down. I just felt too exhausted for anything. I feel some better today, but the weekend was kind of rough.

I wish I could say the time has flown, but it hasn't. It just seems to go on and on. I am just grateful the side effects have not been worse than they are. I am grateful for the technology to attack the cancer. I just pray I enter 2010 cancer-free! The people at the cancer centre have been kind for the most part. There has only been one nurse who never smiles and shows no personal interest in my battle with cancer.

Christmas Aloha Attire

I was wearing my Christmas aloha shirt when I walked in the Queen's Cancer Centre for my 33rd radiation session. Yesterday, I was able to be seen at 4:00 instead of the usual 4:20, so I went in early again. One of the three receptionists commented on my aloha attire & asked where I was going later. I remarked, “Isn't it enough to wear this for you all”? They all sighed & one of them said, “Can I have a lock of your hair to clone you?" They are always very kind and friendly. Then I had my photo taken with one of them. If they give me a copy, as promised, I will post it.

Today was not my lucky day in getting in early. Twice, someone came out & told me they were running late as the Tomo machine was not working properly. I finally got in at 5:00.

I was very tired today. I had spoken earlier in the day with an acquaintance who had a high PSA level and was going to have to have a prostate biopsy. He told me today that no cancer was found in any of them, so thank God for that! I would not want anyone to have to go through this journey I have been on!

Another Milestone

This was my last full week of radiation. I do not have to go in on Christmas Day and then just have two days the week after Christmas. It does not sound like much left to one who is not experiencing it, but seems like a long time still, to me. Six days of this monotony left!

I am grateful that there has not been many side effects. After they started concentrating on a smaller area, for a shorter period of time, the side effects have lessened as well.

I try & not get ahead of myself and start worrying that this won't be the end of it as worry won't change whatever circumstances lie ahead for me. I am supposed to have my PSA checked again a few months after radiation to see if it is still zero, or close to it.

Just as in the beginning of this journey, one day at a time.

The HIGH Cost of Treatment!

I am attaching a bill for ONE session of Tomo radiation (click on image for larger copy)! Thank God, I have health insurance! I just got a notice from Kaiser regarding next year's policy. Thank God I read the fine print! If I kept my current policy, it would cost 20% of the total bill for radiation (over $400. per session!!!). For just $20. more a month, I can continue to pay just $10. per session. If I did not already have cancer, I probably wouldn't be upgrading that $20. a month! My radiation will be finished on December 29, but that is no guarantee I will not need more in the future, unfortunately.

It was a difficult weekend. I do not know if it was the result of the radiation, but I felt very fatigued, with body aches, but no fever. I feel a lot better today, but not 100%. I am grateful I did not have to go in for treatment those two days! Today is treatment # 26. After today, “just” 10 left!

I Can't Find Myself!

When my regular bus driver arrived at my bus stop he remarked, “Where were you yesterday? I wondered where my friend was”. It was nice to be missed.

As I was taking the elevator down to the radiation department for my 26th treatment, there was an attractive Asian lady sharing it with me that I have seen most days I have gone in who was there for treatment as well. I asked her how many she had left and she beamed, “Today is my last”. I told her I prayed that it would be the last. She told me she hoped it would be my last battle with cancer as well.

When we arrived at reception, she took out her card to pass through a scanner to show the radiologists she'd arrived. As she was looking in her purse for her card, she remarked, “I can't find myself”. I replied, “none of us can”, and several people near by burst into laughter. I gave the receptionists some homemade shortbread I'd made earlier in the day.

I knew that this would be my first radiation that targeted a smaller area, but was surprised when it was finished in about 4 minutes. What a wonderful surprise! I was on my way and have 11 left. Again, it is so good to not have to go in for the next two days over the weekend!

Milepost Twenty-Five

Today marked my 25th radiation treatment. Starting tomorrow, until the end (37 in all), they was focus on a smaller area of radiation, which will mainly be where the prostate was. My doctor said beginning Monday (today is Thursday) I should see fewer side effects, but they have been better than they were a few days ago. I am taking Lomotil, which has helped the big D. One more day until the weekend off! My bus driver friend invited me over for New Year's Eve.

It seems every third person I have talked to about radiation equates it with chemo. As of now, I am thankful I haven't needed chemo. Today I went in a few hours early for treatment as there was a cancellation. It was the first time I saw a child in the waiting room who is going through treatment as well, which made me want to cry.

Hawaiian BBQ and Side Effects

First of all, on a happy note, I went to my bus driver's home for a Hawaiian family BBQ on Saturday night & had a great time. The food was so ono (delicious) including steak, short ribs, lamb chops, parrot fish caught that morning and chicken. I brought homemade whole wheat rolls, kim-chee and a homemade lilikoi (passion fruit) meringue pie. The hours FLEW and the evening was perfect. Cool, no wind and lots of stars out once the sun set. Their second grader even did some hula dances for us.

Today was my 22nd radiation treatment. It now burns to go to the toilet at both ends and have started getting diarrhea, which was expected. I meet with the radiologist every Tuesday, so will talk to him about it tomorrow & see what I can do for relief. The Tomo technician told me that after my 25th treatment, they should radiate a smaller area, which might help alleviate the symptoms somewhat. One day at a time...

BBQ Invitation

I survived treatment number #20 today. At least I am finally past the half way mark! Earlier in the day, I got a letter from Kaiser saying that Queens Medical Centre had billed them for ONE CT scan they did on me right before the radiation commenced. They were billed $2,554.00 and my portion is just $10. 00. Thank God I have health insurance!

Yesterday, I brought my smiling & upbeat bus driver a loaf of homemade cinnamon bread that was still warm from the oven. Today, he said how much he & his family enjoyed it.

Today, he asked me where I am going every day, as he is usually the one to pick me up on the way home about 2.5 hours later. I told him I was going in for radiation for prostate cancer. He seemed shocked. He told me his father had died of advanced prostate cancer, but they probably did not find it sooner as he also had had Alzheimer's. I told him that it was important that he be tested for it as those with prostate cancer in their family are 50% more likely to get it themselves.

He was the one who picked me up again today on the way home. During my treatment, he had called his wife to tell her that he needed to be tested, but she said that he'd been tested less than a year ago. I told him that that was good & that he can sleep better tonight.

We still hadn't even exchanged names when he invited me to a BBQ at his house in the valley next to the one where I live so I can meet his wife. I told him my name & he told me his name was Warren. I found out we are the same age. He's been driving the bus over 20 years! I was surprised this man I do not know other than riding on his bus would invite me over. I told him I would bring a homemade lilikoi (passion fruit) meringue pie.

Stay Away from Toxic People!

Last weekend was the most difficult time for depression with this whole cancer thing. I was suddenly overwhelmed with it all. Also, I was due to get my second of possibly three hormone injections on November 19, but it has been a week & my urologist/oncologist has not responded to my e-mail. I called his office & was told he was on vacation until December 7 and there were no appointments available until JANUARY! I told my radiologist yesterday & he called Kaiser urology for me & in minutes had an appointment for me today with another urologist/oncologist.

Sunday, I had a discussion with one of my house mate's friends that was not encouraging! After he told me "he had the gift of healing", I asked him to pray for my cancer and all he wanted to do was argue about how I needed to renounce generational bondage for four generations so I may be cured! He said, "God wants to heal EVERYONE". I told him that sometimes God does not answer prayer in the way we want Him to as He sees the whole picture and can sometimes use our circumstances to bring about His will.

A little later, he asked me if I had thought about what he'd said and what I had to say about it. I told him that he came across as prideful and what he said was not biblical. After all of that, he never even did pray for me. Ironically, he then had to go because he was late for church!

Time & time again, I have found Christians to be more hurtful than unbelievers. At least I know their attitudes are not a reflection of the Saviour! One needs to stay away from toxic people when going through treatment!

On a more encouraging note, I usually have the same bus driver coming and going. He is Hawaiian mix & I have never seen him without a smile. We usually talk about food. On Monday, he gave me a fresh avocado & when I got to the radiology department, was given a chocolate brownie. God knows when we need encouragement. Today marks treatment number #19. It still seems like so long until #37!